A Journal for Walking Over Fallen Fences

Q) The Republicans are scared. Democrats will almost certainly win this year’s elections. What to do?

A) Send the vice president to the middle east. Start spreading rumors of a new invasion (most likely Iran). Watch top US military leaders resign because they disagree with the stupidity (i.e. Adm Fallon). Watch the media take the bait and spread talks of this new war. Watch McCain the war hawk play the part of most competent commander in chief.

Whether the war happens or not, Republicans win in the end and Jesus is happier for it.
Further Reading: Today’s Washington Post Article “Are We Closer to War?” by Dan Froomkin.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/blog/2008/03/12/BL2008031201898.html?hpid=opinionsbox1

I’m so happy to announce that the Vatican has released 7 new deadly sins.

The New 7, Pope Benedict, 21st century

1. “Bioethical” violations (abortion, cloning?)
2. “Morally dubious” experiments (stem cell research)
3. Drug abuse
4. Polluting the environment
5. Contributing to widening divide between rich and poor
6. Excessive wealth
7. Creating poverty

So basically don’t get rich, don’t pollute the Earth, and don’t screw with DNA or fetuses.

To comply with these new ways to enter Hell, the Vatican will likely have to cut back their expenses, sell off some of the gold in their Cathedrals, and require that all hearses be hybrids.

No punishments have yet to be determined, but it will likely involve a method of torture, thus keeping in the spirit of the first 7 deadly sins. The new modern styles of torture could include water boarding and an indefinite limbo spent in Guantanamo.

The first 7 Deadly Sins, Pope Gregory the Great, 6th Century, and their punishment:

1. Pride - Broken on the wheel
2. Envy - Put in freezing water
3. Gluttony -Forced to eat rats, toads, and snakes
4. Lust - Smothered in fire and brimstone
5. Anger - Dismembered alive
6. Greed - Put in cauldrons of boiling oil
7. Sloth - Thrown in snake pits

Child molestation has yet to make either list.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7287071.stm

Me + You - Our Clothing / Your Legs and Lets *

Here’s another math joke: http://www.newsweek.com/id/118240

Note: Both jokes can also be used as a pickup line in a dingy bar, and both may get you slapped.